The Exchange

Written as a gift for the hosts of Sookie’s Secret Santa gift exchange, Jan of Arc and blakes boogie. Also, a sequel to The Auction and The Contest. Pam takes Sookie to the Secret Santa gift exchange party … Rated: M – Humor – Chapters: 1 – Words: 3,226 – Published: 12-21-11

A/N: As many of you know, I’m sure, Jan of Arc and blakes bookie have created Sookie’s Secret Santa, a holiday gift exchange. (Just do an author search of Sookie’s Secret Santa at fanficion.net to find the profile.) A record number of writers are participating, and I’m happy to say I am one.

It occurred to me that while all of us are enjoying our gift fics, no one has gifted Jan of Arc or blakes boogie and yet I’m quite certain we’re all very grateful for their hard work. So, I’ve written a little present for the two of them to say thank you. I hope they like it.

If you’ve read my stories, The Auction and The Contest, then you’ll see that this is a sequel to those. If not, no worries. Just enjoy! Merry Christmas, Jan of Arc and blakes boogie!

A big thank you to Thyra10 for her speedy beta skills and for always having a sense of humor.

By the way, I don’t own the SVM characters or settings, but I own myself and the other characters in this own themselves.

It had been as busy a holiday season as I’d ever remembered in Bon Temps. Sam’s business was up, thank goodness, and I’d been working almost every night. On my few nights off, I’d gone to holiday parties at Tara’s, the Fortenberrys’, and the Bellefleur mansion.

I was exhausted by the time Christmas Eve rolled around. I was working, but the crowd got so thin, Sam sent me home.

“Sookie, why don’t you go home and enjoy the evening,” he suggested.

“You’re sweet, Sam.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and pointed up to the mistletoe we were standing beneath.

He smiled sweetly and I went to get my purse to go home.

I was almost to Hummingbird Road when I had a sudden change of heart. Yes, I was tired, but I missed Eric. We’d hardly seen each other in the past few weeks, both being so busy. We had plans to spend the following night together to exchange gifts, but now that I was free on Christmas Eve, I decided to take a drive to Shreveport.

I figured Fangtasia might be as slow as Merlotte’s and maybe Eric could close early and we could salvage the evening and spend some time alone.

But as I pulled into the parking lot, I was surprised to see it was full of cars. Apparently, Fangtasia patrons had no place better to be on Christmas Eve.

I parked the car and walked to the front door only to see a sign that read: Closed for Private Party.

That’s odd, I thought. Eric had never said anything to me about a private party.

I considered knocking, but instead lowered my shields and “listened.” There were many humans inside and a few voids that I knew to be vampires. Most of the thoughts were hard to decipher since they were all thinking at once and I couldn’t zero in on anyone in particular since there was a door between us, but what I got mostly were thoughts about Eric and Christmas presents and a general air of excitement.

I was clearly not invited to this party and I was trying not to feel hurt because I’d been excluded. I told myself that Eric thought I’d be working, so that was probably why I hadn’t been invited. Suddenly, being home alone sounded appealing and I turned around to go back to my car. I certainly didn’t want to barge into a party of Eric’s where I wasn’t welcome.

I was almost at my car when a limousine pulled into the parking lot and I was caught in the headlights. I fumbled with my keys as it parked near me. Just as I started to open my car door, I heard Pam calling out my name. Darn it! Almost a clean getaway!

I turned around and she was getting out of the driver’s seat wearing a very sexy leather chauffer’s uniform.

“I didn’t expect you!” she said with a big smile. “We thought you’d be working tonight.”

“I got off early,” I said. “But I’m just on my way home now.”

Suddenly, the back door of the limo opened and Pam said, “Oh shoot! I was supposed to do that.”

She grabbed the door handle and held the door open while two women emerged from the back seat dressed in fancy holiday dresses.

“Oh my god!” one said in a thick Scottish brogue. “There she is!”

The other woman was beaming and shouted, “It’s Sookie Stackhouse!” with an English accent.

They both ran over to me and started gushing compliments: “It’s such a pleasure to meet you! You’re so beautiful in person! I’ve been a fan of yours for years!”

I looked over at Pam, puzzled.

She stepped up and said, “Sookie, I’d like you to meet blakes boogie and Jan of Arc.” And then to the two women, “Ladies, Sookie Stackhouse.”

I shook both their hands and Pam continued, “Sookie, these women are fanfic writers.”

“Ohhhh,” I said. “Like the ones from the auction and the contests from Eric’s basement.”

“Yes, only these two have hosted something new and different—a Christmas gift exchange!”

“Oh, how nice,” I said.

“They’ve flown all the way here for the party tonight.”

“We didn’t expect to see you here tonight,” Jan of Arc said. “What a treat!”

“Oh yes,” blakes boogie chimed in. “You can’t go home! You have to come to the party!”

I glanced down at my uniform, noting the ketchup stain on my top. “Oh no, I’m not dressed for it.” Plus, I was keenly aware that I hadn’t been invited.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sookie,” Pam said. “You have to come!”

She took my keys from my hand and stuck them into my purse before linking arms with me and leading me to the front door.

As we entered the room, I was bombarded with excited thoughts and inner shouts of my name from a room full of women all dressed in fancy holiday outfits. They all seemed to greet me at once until Pam held her arm out in front of me and said, “You’ll all get to meet her—just settle down.”

Pam took my purse and hung it on a coat rack by the door and started introducing me to different women. They all seemed very happy to meet me and many had very odd names: smittenskitten, Miss Construed, Team Jane, pfloogs72. The names just seemed to get weirder and weirder.

They also seemed very excited to meet Jan of Arc and blakes boogie who came in with us and many of them were thanking and hugging the pair of women.

Pam asked if I wanted a drink, but I passed, still busy meeting many of the women in the room.

Finally, Pam took me by the hand away from the small crowd around me and led me to a big Christmas tree in the center of the room. There were lots of wrapped presents beneath it.

“This is why these women are all here, Sookie,” Pam explained. “This is the Christmas gift exchange.”

“So, they each brought a gift?” I asked.

“Not exactly,” she went on. “They each wrote a fic.”

I knew from my experience at the auction Eric took me to that a fic was a story.

“So, they’re all writers?” I asked.

“Yes. Jan of Arc and blakes bookie set all this up. Well, I actually decorated the tree, but I’m not asking for special credit or anything.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful!” I said. It was stunning.

“Anyway, they drew names and handed them out and all these writers wrote a special fic just for the person chosen for them.”

“That’s so lovely,” I said.

“Yes, well, this is a lovely group. They really like each other, but of course, they really like you and Eric. Oh, and me too,” she added with feigned modesty.

She bent down and picked up a gift, saying, “Here, you can help me pass these out.”

“Oh, that’ll be fun!” I said.

She smelled the gift and announced, “Zombies!”

“Excuse me?”

“This one smells like zombies!”

She held it out for me to smell, but I didn’t detect any odor. Vampires have a much better sense of smell than humans.

“Oh, I love zombie stories!” she squealed. Then she read the tag, “To Daniel Rook. How to Build a Luxury Cubby.”

“Daniel?” I asked. “I thought these were all women?”

“No, we get an occasional man,” she said and started to look around the room.

I spotted a man standing in the center of a circle of women, getting a lot of attention, naturally.

“Oh there he is. Yoo hoo! Daniel!”

When he turned to face us, I got a better look at him. “Oh, I think I know him,” I said as he walked our way. “Did we go to high school together …?”

“Not possible,” Pam said. “He’s Canadian.”

As he approached, Pam introduced us and he kissed the back of my hand.

“Here you go, big boy,” Pam said as she handed him his gift. Then she leaned in and whispered to him excitedly, “I smell zombies!”

He didn’t look quite as thrilled as Pam was, but he thanked her and headed back to his group.

Pam picked up the next gift and shook it. “Hmm. No sound.” She took a whiff. “Ooh, lemons!”

Several heads turned our way. The women all smiled expectantly. I knew lemons meant the story had sex in it. Sex between me and Eric most likely. I started to feel uncomfortable.

Pam read the tag. “To Suki59. Gumbo Night. Hmm. I thought I smelled something else.”

“Oh, hey, I know her!” I said. I remembered Suki59 from the auction, and we’d met in Eric’s basement once.

“Suki!” Pam called out and Suki ran over and took the gift from Pam.

“Did you say lemons?” she asked. She gave me a quick hug and said, “Oh hi, Sookie!”

I said, “Hi,” back.

Pam nodded with a grin. “Yes, lemony goodness!”

“Yay!” Suki said with a big grin, and skipped away to share the gift with her friends.

Pam bent down to the bottom of the tree and said, “Actually, I smell a lot of lemons here.” Then she picked up another gift and sniffed it. “Hmm. This one smells like black-eyed peas.”

She read the tag. “To pretendi’mnotthere. Lucky.”

“What?” I asked. “Pretend you’re not there?”

“No, that’s her nick,” she said.

“Nick?”

“Name, Sookie. I thought you got all this.”

“I guess I’m still learning,” I said just as a woman came over.

“Did I hear my name?” she asked.

Pam handed her her gift and she giggled and ran off.

Pam picked up the next gift and read aloud. “To Rebelina11. Sleepless in Shreveport.”

“Ooh, like Sleepless in Seattle?” I asked. “I love that movie!”

“Well, of course you do. You have a vagina, don’t you?” Pam asked, rolling her eyes.

I heard a woman behind me think, Don’t we all know it.

I didn’t turn around to see who it was, fairly appalled at her thoughts, and raised my shields, making a mental note to keep them up for the rest of the evening.

Rebelina came over and snatched her gift and took off while Pam picked the next gift and read the tag.

“To Roux Roux. Mistress Sookie,” she said.

“What?” I was confused. Did she call me Mistress Sookie?

“That’s the name of the fic. Oh look here,” she said tapping her finger on a red sticker on the package. “This one’s PWP. See the warning label?”

Several women came over when she said “PWP,” looking very excited.

“What’s PWP?” I asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Pam said as she handed the gift to a very happy woman that I assumed was Roux Roux. “You wouldn’t like it.”

“But these other women seem to,” I said as I watched a group gather around Roux Roux. One woman high fived her.

“Trust me on this,” Pam said.

As she picked out the next gift, she said, “Oh another red sticker. This one’s marked ‘slash.'”

Heads turned at the word “slash.”

“To Ericfancier. A Matter of Survival,” Pam read aloud.

A woman ran over and grabbed the gift, running away seemingly delighted.

“Do I want to know what slash is?” I asked Pam.

She just pursed her lips and shook her head as she reached for the next gift.

Suddenly above the din of conversation a loud booming voice rang out.

“Ho, ho, ho! Meerrrrry Christmas!”

I recognized Eric’s voice, of course, but never in a million years did I think I’d hear him utter those particular words.

I turned around, as did the entire room, and Eric emerged from the hallway leading to his office, arms outstretched, stark naked except for a red Santa hat covering his private parts.

The room was filled with gasps and claps and squeals of delight. I was completely mortified and felt my face turn red and my jaw drop.

The Santa hat was sticking out at a straight angle, but suddenly, it started to point upwards and expand like a balloon being blown up. It reached its peak and the little white ball at the end shot straight up. I looked from the Santa hat up to Eric’s face and registered his surprise as he said, “Sookie!”

I closed my mouth but couldn’t seem to utter a word.

“I’m so happy to see you!” he said, beaming.

The crowd broke out in laughter and Eric’s smile grew even bigger as he pointed to his Santa hat proudly.

“See?” he said and the laughter grew louder.

I wanted to crawl under the Christmas tree I was so embarrassed.

He came over and took my hand and said, “Lover, I wasn’t expecting you,” and gave me a kiss on the lips.

Several women said, “Aww,” and I broke the kiss, still feeling awkward.

Eric turned to the crowd and said, “Ladies, open your presents!”

The women swarmed around the tree as Pam pulled out more gifts and I heard paper tearing and women chattering excitedly about their presents.

A woman near me cried out, “I’m breathing fire in mine!”

I turned and saw Thyra10 whom I recognized from both the auction and Eric’s basement. Several women were patting her on the back and she jumped up and down with excitement.

I turned back to Eric, trying not to look down at the pointy Santa hat. I must have still looked uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong, Sookie? Isn’t this a fun party?” he asked.

“You’re not wearing any clothes,” I said out of the corner of my mouth, hoping no one could hear me.

Eric laughed out loud. “These women have seen it all, Sookie. They’ve seen me naked many times. Actually, they’ve seen you naked as well. Relax!”

My blush grew deeper, if that were even possible.

“Please, Eric,” I said. “Could you put some clothes on?”

Eric pouted like a little boy, but then he turned and dashed away back to his office. Heads turned as he ran by, watching the Santa hat bob up and down as he went.

He must have used vampire speed back there, because before I knew it, he was right back, this time in a worn pair of jeans, the white fluffy ball and a triangle of red velvet sticking out of the top of his pants. He wasn’t wearing shoes or a shirt. I gave him a look of disapproval.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You couldn’t find a shirt?” I asked.

“Lover, some of these women crossed oceans to get here. Surely you wouldn’t begrudge them an innocent peek at my bare chest?”

He twitched first one pec and then the other for emphasis and winked at me.

A woman beside me fell to the floor with a thud.

Eric looked over at her as others fanned her with their presents and torn gift wrap, and started to help her up.

“She’s fine,” he whispered and wrinkled his nose with a smile.

I looked around and many pairs of eyes were fixed on the white furry ball just above the waistband of Eric’s pants.

“Eric, I realize I’m a prude …,” I started.

“Not in my fic,” a woman to my left uttered and then she started to giggle.

Eric gave her a wink and then looked back to me. “Go on, lover,” he said.

“Anyway, this all makes me feel uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have come here tonight.”

“Sookie, don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “The only reason you weren’t invited is because I thought you’d be working. Oh, and also because I knew it would spoil your surprise tomorrow night.”

“I’m not sure I want to know what my surprise will be,” I said.

“Tomorrow, all these women are coming to my house and we’ll reveal the names of all the Secret Santas together,” he said.

Jan of Arc and blakes boogie had come over to join us and Jan of Arc said, “That’s right. You’re going to be the guest of honor tomorrow!”

“I am?” I asked.

“Of course,” blakes bookie said. “We’ll all post the stories together on fanfiction and call the profile ‘Sookie’s Secret Santa.'”

“Really?” I asked, starting to feel a little better.

They nodded, smiling, and Eric said, “Sookie, these women love you. Sure, many of them lust for me, but they genuinely love you. Don’t you know that?”

I looked around the room and watched as they all happily opened their gifts and shared them with each other. They were a lovely group.

“I guess I hadn’t really looked at it that way,” I said. “I guess I could come and at least this time, I’ll be wearing a pretty dress.”

“Yes, lover, and I’ll wear clothes as well if you’d like.”

“That sounds nice,” I said.

He went on, “We can all celebrate the new library of fics and maybe we can reenact some of the steamier lemons as a group …”

I shot him a look.

“Or, just sing Christmas carols,” he added innocently.

“Yes, I think I’d like that,” I said. I looked around at the happy women, all enjoying opening their gifts. “I think I’d like to spend Christmas with everyone here.”

I gave Jan of Arc and blakes boogie each a hug and said, “Thank you for doing all this.”

They both beamed proudly, looking around the room at the group as well.

“Merry Christmas, lover,” Eric said sweetly as he took my hand.

“Merry Christmas, Eric.”

This just might be the best one ever.

XXX