This little fic was written to honor the generous women who bid on me at the Support Stacie Auction. Eric takes Sookie to her first auction … Rated: M – Humor – Chapters: 1 – Words: 1,823 – Published: 1-18-10
Charlaine Harris owns Eric, Sookie, and Pam, but the rest of us own ourselves.
I had never been to an auction before. I’d seen them on TV and in movies, of course, but never imagined I’d find myself sitting in one. Eric had dragged me here, telling me that he had a surprise for me. I couldn’t imagine what that might be. Surely, he didn’t intend to buy me some expensive piece of art or something. He knew I preferred gifts like truckloads of gravel for my driveway and warm outerwear.
The room was packed with bidders, all sitting quietly, waiting for something. We found our seats near the front of the room, slipped into the row and sat down. I glanced around and was surprised to see that the entire room was full of nothing but women. They were every age and size and ethnicity, but all women. I whispered to Eric, “All the bidders seem to be women.”
He just smiled knowingly and patted my hand. There was a woman standing up on a small platform in front of the room. I was shocked that the auction seemed to be for her and wondered if this was some sort of sick vampire auction and that these bidders were all hoping to drain her. I lowered my shields but every thought seemed to be about Eric. Again, I whispered to Eric, “Is she for sale? God, she looks so tired.”
“Lover, she’s been standing there for almost three days. She probably is tired, or maybe she always looks like that. I’m not sure. Anyway, no, she’s not exactly for sale. She is offering her writing skills to be purchased for charity. She writes what are called fics.”
“Oh.” I nodded as if I understood, but I was a little lost.
“All of these women want her to write a special story for them. The winner gets to tell her what to write. She writes stories about me and these women are her readers.”
“Pfft. Oh yeah, right.” Eric was such a kidder sometimes.
I looked around again and they were all staring at Eric and their thoughts seemed to be focused on him, but I just figured that was because he was so good-looking. Plus, he was the only man in the room.
Suddenly, everyone’s attention was directed to the front of the room again and I was surprised to see Pam enter and stand at the podium to the side of the auction platform. She was dressed in an outrageous pastel pink hat and a Chanel-looking suit that probably cost more than I make in a month. “Sorry to keep you waiting, ladies…oh…and…um, gentleman.” She nodded at Eric. “I just had to step out for a quick bite.” She licked the drop of blood from the corner of her mouth before continuing. She turned to the woman standing beside her. “Thank you for waiting, Suki.” The writer just smiled and nodded.
“Now, let’s resume the bidding, shall we?”
As she went on, periodically, women would raise the paddles they held in their laps and the dollar amount would increase. I found it all quite fascinating. Every time a woman would bid, she would steal a glance over at Eric and either smile or blush or wink. They all seemed to know him.
One woman raised her paddle and Eric leaned over to whisper to me, “That’s Kitchycoo. She’s Australian. Very sexy—those Australian women. She has many of Suki’s stories on her favorites’ list. She knows me very well.” Eric and Kitchycoo exchanged a wink. If he made some naughty “down under” crack I was going to smack him.
Another paddle went up across the room. Eric went on. “Ah yes, Thyra10, what a woman.” I was starting to feel more than a little jealous. “She is a very talented writer herself and were she up on that auction block, she would give Suki59 some serious competition. She is a well-loved author who has written many stories about me.” He just stared at her. “Norwegian. Mmm. Or maybe Danish, I’m not sure. Those women in that part of the world are delicious. Maybe because it’s so cold, their blood just seems so hot.”
“Okay, stop that.”
“Sorry, lover. Anyway, she must be a very generous woman to bid on Suki knowing that she can write whatever story idea she has herself and bask in the praise.”
“Do they make a lot of money writing these stories?”
“No, no they don’t. Interestingly enough, they are merely rewarded with reviews from their readers.”
“But what’s the value in that?”
“Oh, it’s like crack to them. They can’t get enough of it.”
“Really.” I looked over at Thyra10, trying to imagine her a review addict and caught her blowing a kiss to Eric. I heard a little “plop” and turned back to see Eric smiling at her, fangs fully down. “Eric!” The fangs retracted and he looked innocently back to the front of the room.
Pam acknowledged another bidder. Eric groaned in pleasure beside me. This was getting ridiculous. I looked at him again for an explanation. “That’s sluggysmom. She is such a devoted fan. Probably the most consistent provider of review crack in the fandom. She reads and reviews every day.”
“I’m more than a little concerned about the welfare of sluggy if his mom spends all her time reading about you.”
“Tsk, tsk, lover, jealousy doesn’t become you. She is a devoted mother and a devoted fan both at the same time. Very sexy combination.”
“Okay, I get it. Yes, she’s very pretty.” I sighed, wondering if maybe I’d made a mistake letting Eric bring me here.
When the next woman bid, Eric hissed. “Ooh, tvgirl.63. I hoped she would be here.” I craned my neck to see who had elicited a hiss from Eric. “She is also a very talented writer, but she writes about television. Very smart, very modern. I love her tweets. I’ll bet she’s delicious.” I just rolled my eyes.
Pam interrupted with the announcement of a new bidder. All eyes turned to the woman with her paddle in the air. Eric growled a low predatory growl until I elbowed him in the ribs. “Sorry, but she is magnificent, lover—such a generous and surprising woman. She goes by Fanvamp, but make no mistake, she doesn’t just love vampires indiscriminately. She has quite the thing for yours truly.” Fanvamp turned and bared her teeth seductively at Eric, wrinkling her nose like a cat as he gazed at her with his most piercing stare. I might as well have been invisible.
Eric looked at his watch. “It’s almost time for the auction to end. Lover, would you put your hand here for just a minute.” He placed my hand over his crotch. I was positively mortified, wondering if any of the women around us saw it. I tried to pull my hand away but he held it firmly in place until I could feel something else firmly in place. “Thanks.” He patted my hand and returned it to my lap before he stood up and turned around. I couldn’t help but notice the visible and impressive tent in his pants and gasped when I realized that he had turned around so that as he scooted down to the end of our row, his erection would be face height for the women seated in front of him. He slowly side-stepped as they stared as if in a trance until he was in the aisle. He sauntered up to stand beside the auction block.
“Eric. Welcome.” Pam oozed sweetness. “Ladies, I believe you all know Eric. It looks like he’s just as happy to see all of you as you are to see him.” Eric beamed down proudly at his crotch, turning from side to side to display his erection better. I was dying in my seat. The room erupted in a chorus of oohs and ahs. Ridiculous.
He turned to Suki and bowed deeply. As he rose and smiled at her, she held her hand to the side of her face, thumb and pinky extended in the universal sign for holding a phone and mouthed the words: call me. He nodded and walked back down the aisle. He stopped at the end of our row and held his hand out for me to join him. I stood and scooted down the row, grabbing his hand, wanting to leave as soon as possible, completely appalled at his last little display, which of course, was not so little.
Eric grabbed the hand of a woman on the aisle in the last row and kissed the back of it as we went by. I jerked him away from her as he whispered to me, “What? That was Meads, lover. She has donated a banner. I must thank her properly.” I just ignored him.
Before we closed the door behind us, I turned back to see a frenzy of last-minute bidding. Some women were fanning themselves with their paddles. The dollar amount was rapidly rising as Pam was announcing bids.
I dropped his hand and turned to Eric as soon as we were alone in the lobby. “That was disgusting, Eric!”
“What ever do you mean, lover?”
“Those women all wanted to have sex with you!”
“No, lover, they want me to have sex with you.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“They love to read about our sexual escapades. They call them lemons and value them greatly.”
“Oh yes, many of them love you just as much as they love me. You’re a heroine to them because you have captured the attention of the GP.”
“How did they know…” This was all so strange and new.
“Don’t worry about that now, lover. Let’s just go home and please them by doing what we do best.”
“You mean, by making lemons? So Suki can write a fic and get review crack?”
“Now, you’re catching on.”
Eric took my hand and we left together. I’d learned a lot and it did seem strange, but really was it any stranger than the story of a telepathic waitress in love with a thousand-year-old Viking vampire? Maybe not.
A/N: If you enjoyed this, I encourage you to read its sequel, The Contest, in which Eric teaches Sookie all about The Home Sweet Home Contest on fanfiction. Then Pam takes her to Sookie’s Secret Santa fic exchange in The Exchange.