Sookie gets a lesson about warning labels. This fic is dark, but not necessarily in the ways you might expect. It’s a bit silly. Rated: M – Humor/Parody – Chapters: 1 – Words: 2,172 – Published: 3-6-12
A/N: This little fic was inspired by my Weekly One Shot Challenge, “No Means No,” and an idea that belongs to Jan of Arc who was kind enough to “give” it to me. I’d also like to thank the incomparable Thyra10 for her beta skills and her story, Eric the Fanfiction Rapist. It’s a must read.
Charlaine Harris owns these characters.
Just as I was leaving Merlotte’s one night, I got a text from Pam asking me to come to Fangtasia. She promised it would be worth my while.
I hadn’t seen Eric in over a week and although I was tired, I was also curious as to what Pam wanted to show me. She wasn’t one to ever disappoint.
I started my drive to Shreveport, singing off key to the radio and looking forward to what promised to be the most interesting part of my night. I was about a block from Fangtasia when suddenly everything went dark. The streetlights went out, the surrounding buildings all went black—I thought it must be a power failure. But then I realized that my headlights had also gone out and I couldn’t read the instrument panel on my dashboard.
I pulled over and stopped the car. Other cars sped past me without headlights and my whole body shuddered. Something was very odd and very wrong.
A normal power failure wouldn’t have any effect on car lights. I looked up at the sky and even the moon was obscured by clouds that hadn’t been there five minutes ago.
I started to suspect that some kind of magic was at work here. Could it be a spell of some sort? Fairy magic?
A loud crash interrupted my thoughts. I stashed my purse safely underneath my seat, opened my car door and stepped out onto the pavement, slipping my keys into my pocket. I could hear people arguing just ahead of me.
“Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” a man shouted.
“I was watching! You stopped in the middle of the street!” a woman replied.
Then another crash sounded and more voices quickly followed.
“Damn! I can’t see a thing!” another man’s voice rang out.
Soon, the street was filled with angry voices and crashes and bangs as cars seemed to run into each other.
Instinctively, I closed my car door and felt my way around the car over to the sidewalk, out of the way of the cars blindly driving down the street.
As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk, a large body ran into me.
“Ooof!” a man said.
“Sorry,” I said and reached my arms out in front of me as I headed in the direction of Fangtasia.
I shuffled my feet, occasionally touching the face or an arm of a stranger. There was a constant chorus of sounds: “Ow! Watch it! Jesus! Damn! Hey!”
And of course, more crashes as the cars continued to collide.
By the time I’d felt my way to the front door of Fangtasia, both of my feet had been stepped on numerous times and I’d accidentally touched countless body parts of the other people wandering along, arms outstretched like zombies and curse words on their lips.
I opened the door to Fangtasia and stepped inside.
It seemed even darker in the bar, but I could hear people talking and the music was playing. I wondered what kind of power outage allowed music to continue, but then reminded myself that this was not a normal power outage.
I fumbled my way into the room as bodies bumped into me from every side.
I said, “Excuse me,” about a dozen times as I made my way towards the dance floor.
A small cold hand touched my face, rubbing it all over as if the person were trying to identify me. Then the hand was gone and two hands briefly squeezed my boobs.
It was Pam.
“Pam! I’m here!” I reached out and our hands found each other.
I heard a loud sniff near my head just as she said, “Oh, it is you!”
“What the heck’s going on?” I asked. “There’s no light anywhere! Even outside.”
“I know!” she said. “Isn’t it exciting?”
“No, it’s not exciting. It’s awful. My feet are going to be black and blue. Goodness knows what my car will look like tomorrow. Do you know what’s happening?”
“Yes, of course, I do.” She replied. “This is why I invited you. This is a dark fic!”
I paused, staring into the black space where I knew she stood. I finally shook my head. “What?”
“A dark fic!” she said proudly. “People love ’em!”
“Why?” I asked, incredulous. “This is horrible.”
“Oh.” Pam’s voice fell in disappointment.
She dropped my hand and I heard her snap her fingers and suddenly, the room lit up with its usual ambience.
Many voices in the club uttered a loud “awww” in unison, but then the sounds quickly returned to normal.
I watched as people resumed their evening as if nothing unusual had happened. I looked at Pam and she was pouting like a child.
“If you don’t like my dark fic, then you’re probably not going to like the rest of the night I had planned for you either.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you Pam, but I guess I just like things more ‘normal.'”
“Well, ‘normal’ is relative, Sookie. What’s normal for you might not be for other people. A lot of people love dark fics.”
“Maybe so, Pam. I don’t know. I just wish you’d warned me what I’d be walking into tonight. I might have even liked it had I known what it was. I just don’t like having something like that sprung on me,” I said, reaching down and rubbing the tops of my feet where they’d been stepped on.
“Sorry,” she said, but she didn’t really look sorry. “Here, come and have a drink.”
She walked me over to a seat at the bar and Felicia set a gin and tonic in front of me as I sat down.
Pam stood beside me and I watched her as she glanced over my shoulder with a frown as I took a sip of my drink.
“Maybe I should warn you about some other stuff …,” she started, but she was interrupted by Eric’s voice behind me.
“Lover!” he said. “I’m so glad to see you tonight.”
I turned in my seat and was startled to see Eric standing behind me, smiling broadly, his face covered with black shoe polish.
I nearly spit out my drink but I managed to swallow before I said, “What the …?”
Pam answered sheepishly, “This is Dark Eric.”
I looked from Pam back to Eric, my mouth open in shock.
“You’re wearing black face,” I said to Eric. “Do you know how offensive that is?”
He glanced at Pam and then said, “Is it?”
“Yes!” I answered. “Please go wash that off.”
Eric growled and turned away, heading back to his office with purposeful strides.
I turned back to Pam and she said, “I guess I should have said something, huh?”
“Yes,” I said, exasperated. “I hate Dark Eric.”
She nodded. “Well, in some circles, he’s very popular.”
“Whatever,” I said.
“I guess I should warn you about the rest of the night then.”
“Yes, I think you should,” I said. I sipped my drink and waited while Pam seemed to consider what she wanted to say.
“Okay, then. There’s going to be some non con and dub con later,” she said.
I wondered if I’d heard her correctly. “What?”
Just then, Eric rejoined us and I was relieved to see that his face was its usual pale color.
“That’s better,” I said and gave him a smile.
Pam continued, “Non con is non consensual sex. A lot of people like it.” She nodded at Eric. “Especially with Eric.”
I stared at her and then at Eric. “You’d have sex with someone without her consent?”
Pam said quietly, “I thought you’d like it.”
“No!” I started to stand up.
Eric gently touched my shoulder until I sat back down. “It’s okay, Sookie,” he said. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”
“Are you out of your mind?” I asked them both. “Of course I don’t want you to!”
Pam and Eric exchanged a look and I went on, “Why on earth would you think that would be okay with me?”
Pam answered, “Some women like that. They fantasize about it.” She paused and took a deep breath, her eyes wandering as if she were remembering something. “Sometimes some women feel guilty about enjoying sex—it’s all rather complicated, as you can imagine. They find in their fantasies they can enjoy sex more if they feel it’s done against their will. Then the responsibility is removed and thus so is the guilt.”
I sorted through what she’d said. “I think I understand, but I don’t feel that way myself. The whole idea of non consensual sex is offensive to me. I can’t imagine why anyone would be turned on by rape.”
“Well, first of all, good luck getting any of these women to admit that it’s rape. They generally don’t see the connection. Rape is a universally offensive word and they think the forced sex that they fantasize about is completely different.”
I shook my head, wondering how anyone could be so delusional.
“People are funny about their kinks, Sookie,” Pam continued. “To them, they’re perfectly normal—acceptable. It’s hard for them to be objective. Like the time I had to get that baby rattle out of Victor’s behind. He saw nothing odd about it whatsoever.”
My frown deepened.
She waved her hand. “Anyway, so okay, you don’t like non con. I got that. Now, what about dub con?”
“And what’s that?” I asked.
“Dubious?” I asked.
“Yes, you know, like where it’s unclear whether someone has given his or her consent.”
“Unclear?” I asked. “Well, I’m certainly no expert on the subject of warning labels, but I can tell you that when someone has subjected you to his sexual attentions, it’s very clear in the mind of the recipient whether consent was given or not. Trust me on this.”
I had an uncomfortable flash in my mind of a dark moment inside a car trunk a long time ago. I glanced over at Eric and he looked lost in thought, a very deep crease between his brows. He looked up at me and I wondered if he was thinking of Appius.
He nodded and soberly said, “You’re right.”
“Okay,” Pam said. “So, I guess my big surprise evening I had planned for you is a bust.”
She looked genuinely sad.
“No, it isn’t, Pam,” I assured her. “I’m here and I’m happy to see you and Eric. The night isn’t over. Maybe we can dance a little?”
I looked at Eric and he smiled sweetly.
“Or take a shower?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.
It was my turn to smile.
“Oh good, then you’re okay?” Pam asked.
“Yes, of course,” I said. “There are plenty of ways Eric and I can have a wonderful night together.”
Pam looked relieved.
“Just give me a warning next time you plan something out of the ordinary, okay? Then I can make my own decision as to whether I want the night to continue that way.”
“Got it,” she said.
She smiled and then suddenly seemed to remember something. “Oh dear, I guess I’d better get back to the office and untie Felipe.”
“Yes,” Eric said, “And get that pony out of the mens room.”
“Right,” she said dutifully. “And I should probably try to salvage the skirt I loaned Sigebert.” She wrinkled her nose. “But I think I’ll let him keep the panties.”
“Good idea,” Eric said as he took me by the hand and led me towards the dance floor.
The music slowed just as he took me into his arms. I rested my head on his cool hard shoulder and sighed deeply, relieved that the rest of the night ahead would be of my own choosing and no one else’s. I liked writing my own story and wanted to keep it that way.
A/N: As my beta, Thyra was concerned about the pony in the bathroom. I promised her no animals were harmed in the writing of this story. She also questioned Victor’s baby rattle and I told her of a man I knew (not biblically) who liked to have sex in a crib wearing diapers. He inspired the baby rattle.