Coda This! Chapter 3
A/N: I’d like to say thank you to my dear friend who has loaned me her copy of After Dead, since I didn’t buy it. I’d say her name, but I don’t want to embarrass her for spending the money. She knows who she is, so thank you!
McKenna continued working at Tara’s Togs, but never got a last name in spite of marrying somebody’s cousin, so she’s relegated to the M page forever.
Sister Mendoza stayed in Wright and tried with all her might to be memorable, but she just couldn’t pull it off even with a name like “Sister.”
Bernadette Merlotte had a “very good time” with her new husband. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
Craig and Deidra Lisle Merlotte presented Bernie with a granddaughter, but she unfortunately shifted and ate the baby. Later, they had a litter of boys and jobs too boring to describe.
Sam Merlotte settled just like Sookie had and lived a dull life, eventually heading to Thailand to spice things up in the world of human trafficking. Then he went to China where he accidentally shifted and was cooked and eaten as a dog.
Judith Vardamon ran Bill Compton’s video game company while he was in prison, making him a very rich man, and was rewarded with a lame “secret” daybed in his house. After he bought the state of Louisiana from Felipe de Castro and became King, Bill once said in public that he “never found it in him to return Judith’s affection,” at which time she beheaded him with only her fingernails as a weapon. The headlines all over Louisiana read, “King Compton ‘bought’ it again.” He remained the laughing stock of the supernatural world for centuries. Judith became the Queen of Louisiana.
Felipe de Castro became known as the “great vampire swindler” when he sold Louisiana to Bill Compton. He told Bill he needed the money to rebuild two casinos in Las Vegas after an earthquake, but of course, everyone but Bill knew that insurance money would pay for that. That’s what insurance is for. Later, he sold Arkansas to Red Rita who became known as “Rube Rita.” She thought the nickname was a dig at Arkansas, but it was really because people thought her a hayseed for being so easily duped. Felipe told her it was too “complicated and cumbersome” to run multiple states, kind of like it was for the U.S. government.
JB du Rone ruined his marriage by being a trashy slut. He was married “two or three” more times, but too stupid to know which it was. He was killed in a nursing home when an aide hit him over the head with a bedpan during an attempted sexual assault. She told the police, “God, they never give up, do they?”
Tara Thornton du Rone set a world record by being married a second time for ten minutes. In her interview for the paper, she said, “Yes, it was short but hey, at least I know how many times I’ve been married.” She felt forced to pay for JB’s funeral because he died penniless. The staff at the nursing home told her in JB’s senility, he always thought he was still married to Tara, “his true wife.” She replied, “God, they never give up, do they?”
Connie Babcock changed jobs.
Doke, Mindi, Mason and Bonnie Ballinger decided that if they shared an entry in this coda, perhaps people would remember who they were better, but they were all wrong.
Batanya and Clovache have had many adventures in many strange situations, starting with the sharing of their coda page in spite of only one of them having a “B” name. Clovache wanted to separate and go to the C page, but Batanya pointed out that she could easily be forgotten over there with the likes of Cyndee, Porter Carpenter, and Charles Clausen. Clovache countered with the argument that all the Ballingers are forgotten and it’s been less than a minute since they were read about. They couldn’t decide which page was worse, so for now, they’re lumped together and have agreed to be “Bs.”
Alcee and Barbara Beck went to Hawaii and returned constantly smiling about an inside joke about their underwear that no one else seemed to get.
Jane Bodehouse died sitting on a toilet because writing her living her life on a barstool just wasn’t degrading enough.
Boom worked on the bomb squad in Rhodes until he retired. Then he took a part-time job as a greeter at Wal-Mart and now goes by Howdy (see H).
Amelia Broadway had a son with Bob and named him after a cartoon cat because they just couldn’t be reminded of that whole cat-thing enough. When they divorced, they shared custody of Felix until he was eighteen. Then Amelia got full custody even though Felix argued that he was an adult and that wasn’t legal. She agreed it made no sense, but stuck to her guns “because it’s written that way in a coda.”
Bob Jessup had a witch funeral arranged by the coven, and it was incredible. You’d probably like a little more description other than just that vague word, but then you’d probably like the imagined illustrations in this coda to be in color too. Too bad.
Quiana Wong opened a psychic business in New Orleans called The World of Wong, started wearing and selling kimonos and sporting a “fantastic” hairdo until she was contacted by the League of Asian-Americans and asked to stop perpetuating stereotypes. She argued with them, stating , “If Luna Garza can become the face of Latina two-natureds and move to New Mexico, I don’t see why I can’t look like a frikking geisha. And don’t even get me started on that Indira chick.”
Thalia started a blog, Thalia’s Thoughts, and it was a huge success in Internet terms—so huge, in fact, that the word internet has to be capitalized when describing her success. It was Big.
David and Genevieve Thrash finally tracked down Sookie years after she’d warned them in time to escape disaster at Sophie-Anne’s party house in New Orleans. Sookie didn’t remember them any better than we have though, and had them arrested for stalking (what she called “pulling a Bill”).
Frannie Quinn was a waitress, got married, and lost her mother to old age. She often tried to tell her life story on the bus on her way to work, but most people were unable to stay awake.
John Quinn became a very beautiful fur coat given as a prize in the Miss Louisiana pageant, and even animal rights activists didn’t care that he was killed for his fur. A bunch of other things happened to him first though. If you don’t know what they are, then just try and figure them out for yourself. Stop relying on my imagination and use your own.
A/N: I realize some of these entries are a bit short, but if you add in some imagined pictures it should fill out some. If you’re still dissatisfied and want your money back, I say, “Yeah, good luck with that.” Oh wait, I wasn’t the one to say that. My mistake.