A Different Turn of Events: Chapter 2
A/N: Yes, I know it’s against the rules. (Eric says that rules are made to be broken and then drained and destroyed and torn into bloody pieces.) Yes, I know this is supposed to be a one-shot, but dammit, you try saying no to Eric when he’s whispering in your ear. I just can’t do it. So sue me, here’s an EPOV.
I left my bedroom with a heart filled with anger, frustration and fear. I hate having feelings because they remind me that in spite of my thousand years I am still weak in many ways. And one of those weaknesses is sitting up in my bed looking like the most beautiful supernatural being ever created. I went downstairs to my office and locked the door. I knew that I’d have to go back up to her soon to see to her needs. She is new and will most likely require more blood very soon, especially if she keeps crying like that.
I hate that I made her cry. I spoke too harshly to her. But she can’t know my true feelings—that I’m afraid of what happened to me while under Hallow’s curse. That I suspect that being with her has made me more vulnerable than I already was. Pam said that Sookie protected me and hid me. That means that we were alone in her house. And I know me. There’s no way I spent any amount of time with Sookie Stackhouse and didn’t try to have sex with her. Pam told me that my memory had been erased by Hallow’s curse. I may not have had a memory, but I still had a dick. And Sookie still had that perfect body. There’s no way I would have stayed away from her. I am certain that I would have tried to seduce her. And I remember all too well her response to my advances in Jackson. There was chemistry there, even in the face of her serious injury and Compton’s imminent rescue. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. There’s no denying it. So, I have to assume that Sookie and I had sex, and I’d be willing to bet we did it a lot and very well. And I know what can happen when two beings do that for an extended period of time—they develop feelings. And so I’m back to that.
I liked thinking about Jackson more than I liked thinking about feelings, and so I revisited that. I felt myself harden at the memory of Sookie in that bed with me. I knew it was cheating having my way with her while she was vulnerable and then giving her my blood with the excuse of helping her to rescue Compton. I would have happily let Compton rot in that garage, but I couldn’t say that to Sookie. I remembered how she felt on top of me as I pressed myself into her back. Her body was soft and warm and…and now she is my vampire. I shuddered at the thought of having her now all to myself. The pleasure of that fantasy was almost too good to contemplate. I could have her at any time. As her maker, she could never refuse me. And yet, I don’t ever want her to be with me because of her obligation. I want her to want me. And then I laughed at myself. For a vampire who wants to be wanted, I sure had acted like an asshole.
After we left Jackson, I asked Sookie if she always handled problems in her relationships by running away. I think I even said that it was something I needed to know. The obvious implication was that I was intending on having a relationship with Sookie. In my mind, it had already begun in that bed on the compound. And then when I saw how Compton had defiled her neck in that trunk. The bastard had nearly killed her. And if my suspicions are ever confirmed and I learn that he raped her as well, he will not live to wake another night. I was planning on delicately discussing the matter with Sookie when I took her home, but then those fucking thugs were waiting for her. And then I never had another chance to speak to her alone. When she rescinded my invitation, I was livid that she had put me in the same category as Compton—as just some man she needed to be rid of. I wanted to become the man she wanted to spend her nights with, the man that made her forget Compton’s name. I wanted her and yet she rejected me. As I examined my feelings, that’s really why I behaved as I had upstairs. A thousand years old or not, inside I felt like an insecure teenage boy. She hurt me. And, now, we’re back to that whole feelings thing again. The woman is already clearly in a position to hurt me. I don’t even know why I’m fighting it. She’s already won me.
When I woke and found her cold lifeless body on mine two nights ago, I clung to her and howled into the night. I buried my face in her hair and wept like a baby. This was the woman I had hoped to make mine. I thought I had all the time in the world to win her, and she was clearly dead and I had no memory of what had happened. I was afraid.
I climbed out of the hole and realized that I was in her house. I carried her to her room, lay her on the bed and removed the torn and bloody clothes she was wearing. The clothes were a mess and yet there were no visible marks on her perfect skin. How had she died and why were her clothes in such a state? I wracked my brain and it was blank. Sookie’s death was a mystery. My being at her house was a mystery.
I ran a bath and immersed Sookie into the water. After undressing, I slid into the tub behind her. I reverently bathed her body, and as the blood was wiped away, the mystery deepened. She simply had no marks. At least I could be certain that I had not killed her. I washed her hair as well as her body, and when we were both clean, I simply held her to me.
I found a white cotton gown with blue ribbon that matched her eyes and dressed her. She looked like an angel lying on her bed and I wondered what I should do next. Call her idiot brother? Would she want some religious ceremony? Should I bury her myself so that only I know where she can be found? Should I gently lower her into the river, returning her to the earth? I had no idea what to do and so I found the phone and called Pam.
Pam gave me a brief description of what had happened to me. I had been cursed, hunted, and then hidden and protected (by my beautiful and brave angel). I heard about the bloody battle that had taken place and Hallow’s subsequent capture and torture. Pam was pleased that I had my memory back even though I was still clearly missing something in my recent memory. And then we were brought up to the current situation and I told her of Sookie’s demise. In true Pam form, she just barked out a laugh and said, “Don’t be so dramatic, Master. I’m sure that you simply turned her.” I almost dropped the phone and managed to mumble a goodbye before hanging up. I ran into the bedroom and picked Sookie up and held her in my lap. Could it be possible? Why hadn’t I thought of it? Of course, if she were to die, that’s exactly what I’d do. Had I really made her mine? It was too much to hope for. As strongly as I hoped, I also feared that it wasn’t true. What if I hadn’t been there at the right moment? What if I had fucked it up in my mindless, memory-less state? I brushed her damp hair back from her face and kissed her cold lips. Sookie may be mine after all.
I spent the following night preparing my house in the hopes that Sookie would awaken and be a vampire. My vampire. I cleaned my room thoroughly, not letting any of the household staff anywhere near it. I covered the canopy with sheer white silk, hoping that it would please Sookie when she first opens her eyes. My last task before retiring for the day was to brush her hair and smooth out her gown. She looked perfect. I went to sleep for the day hoping against all hope that Pam was right and I would wake to find Sookie turned. I couldn’t face the possibility that she was really gone.
I woke tonight in a panic because she remained still, but then I remembered that I would naturally awaken before a new vampire. I quickly dressed and went downstairs. I drank a blood and warmed one for Sookie and then went back up to our room (and I was already optimistically thinking of it as ours) and sat by the bed.
I can’t remember when I last wanted anything so badly. But then I thought of how I wanted her after Jackson and remembered the callous look on her face as she rescinded my invitation, heaping me onto the pile of men she casually discarded from her life. The memory sparked the pain of her rejection in my heart. I felt it just as strongly as I had back then.
And then I turned into the biggest prick in the world. I had to laugh at my own stupidity. I wonder if she had seen through my transparent insecurity. Surely she knows that she already owns my heart–that knowing her and almost having her in Jackson had given me something to look forward to after many years of very little to look forward to. Then again, after that last display upstairs, why would she know that? Yes, I am a prick.
I walked to the kitchen and heated another blood. Then I climbed the stairs and stood in front of the bedroom door. I took a deep and unnecessary breath and then turned the knob to go to her—a man fraught with the same flaws as any other with the simple wish of winning a woman.